


december 9th: hot wash

by watergator



Series: december fic advent 2020 [9]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:01:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27978522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: promp: person b: i love you person a: *shoving laundry basket into person b's hands* stop saying i love you to get out of choresphil hates doing chores but is easily persuaded
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: december fic advent 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035978
Comments: 8
Kudos: 89





	december 9th: hot wash

Two Sunday’s a month are designated as ‘cleaning days’. It was a new tradition that soon became adopted when they decided that actually getting up and doing things was a lot better than leaving it and pretending it doesn’t exist until it all came crashing down on them.

Like a metaphorical closet that’s been rammed shut with a bunch of junk, for one of them to open and have an avalanche of responsibility falling on top of them.

So along with all the other things they’ve sorted out in their life together, they make a plan, and try to stick to it.

It’s cold out and the heating is cranked up to something ridiculous. When Dan comes strolling into the living room one afternoon, he sees Phil, tucked up on the couch, still clad in his Cookie Monster pyjamas, the big, fluffy socks that Cornelia got him a few birthdays ago, and his hair is unwashed and flat against his forehead, his glasses slipped to the edge of his nose as he flicks through the Disney+ homepage with great concentration.

He doesn’t even hear Dan come in, jumping just slightly when he clears his throat.

He looks up at him rather sheepishly. “I thought we could have a cosy day,” Phil suggests, settling into the corner of the couch like he’s not ever going to move again. “Just you, me, and…” he stops to look at the TV where he’s managed to stop on  _ Thor: Ragnarok _ .

“Just you, me and Chris Hemsworth. The best kind of cosy Sunday!”

But Dan isn’t having any of it.

He juts one hip out and crosses his arms over his chest; Phil’s hopeful smile faltering.

“Nuh uh,” he shakes his head. “Don’t try and get out of it,” he says sternly. “This house looks like a damn bomb went off in here. I can't relax with it looking like this.”

Phil visibly sags, and Dan has to remind himself who’s the youngest out of the two. 

“But…” Phil goes to protest, but Dan’s already swiped the remote from his pliant hands, and Chris Hemsworth’s beautiful face is gone with a click of a button.

Phil looks at the blank screen and then back at Dan, and then huffs heavily before pulling himself up with only a slight resistance.

“Fine,” he grumbles, pulling down the pyjama pant that had ridden up his leg. “But don’t expect me not to complain the whole time.”

Dan just walks to the kitchen, laughing quietly to himself as Phil follows in tail.

*

They make work of the kitchen together.

Dan washes up, elbow deep in sink water as he scrubs away at a pot that’s stained around the rim at the giant Spag Bol they’d made a few days ago. Phil dries, complaining still as he gets the front of his shirt damp, but Dan just tells him to shut up and get on with it, otherwise he’ll make  _ him  _ be the one in the dirty sink water.

He’s able to keep Phil from feeling totally miserable when he hooks his phone up to their Alexa and plays the Christmas song playlist that he knows Phil won’t be able to resist.

And it works; Phil starts dancing with the dishes, spinning and singing at the top of his lungs, all with the grace of a baby elephant, and Dan has to duck out of the way before one of them gets hurt, but he laughs nonetheless as he watches Phil forget he’s supposed to be in a grump as he starts singing  _ All I Want For Christmas  _ into a soapy wooden spoon.

They finish the kitchen after three (agonising, in Dan’s opinion) rounds of Mariah, and end up moving to the living room where Dan hoovers and Phil polishes. 

He ends up spraying his name across the coffee table and Dan has to remind him not to waste it since neither of them want to be the one that has to venture out to the shops to buy more, but Phil just sings over him as Wham starts playing and he spins away with the rag thrown over the shoulder, using the polish can as a microphone as he lip syncs the words, and Dan just laughs at him as he goes.

*

They work pretty well together; Dan feels like he’s got Phil running after a carrot on a stick with the Christmas playlist. He knows it’s just a shame it won’t work all year long.

They meet up in the hallway, and Phil’s got his running band around his head to push his hair up, like he’s friggin Jedward or something.

“Bathroom’s done,” he smiles. “I scrubbed the toilet, it smelt like you, but I did it.”

Dan rolls his eyes as Phil laughs, his tongue trapped between his teeth in true Phil fashion.

“So we’re done, yeah?” He says with one breath. “I was thinking I could shower - feel free to join me - and  _ then  _ we can sit down and watch a movie.”

Dan raises his brows at him. “We still have laundry,” he tells him. “And we  _ need  _ to do it otherwise you’re gonna be wearing the same pair of pants for the next week.”

Phil doesn't seem phased at that as he frowns, his smile being tugged downwards.

“But I hate laundry,” he says, and Dan just snorts.

“So do I,” he explains, “but I refuse to go near you if your bits stink because  _ you  _ refuse to do any washing.”

Phil looks at him rather defensively. “My bits don’t stink,” he says pointedly, and Dan just gives another snort of laughter. 

“They will do if you don’t help me,” he says with a quirk of his brows and a nudge of his elbow against his ribs. “C’mon. I’ll let you sing along to Walking In The Air if you’re good.”

*

It turns out that Christmas music only has a limited effect on Phil’s poor monkey brain. Using it as bait doesn’t really work for much longer as he drapes himself across the washing machine rather dramatically as Dan folds towels.

Phil’s letting out yet another heavy sigh when Dan looks at him with narrowed eyes.

“If you think you’re going to annoy me to get out of doing this, you’re dead wrong.”

Phil sighs again and starts playing with the fabric softener cap, humming to himself as he waits for the machine to stop so that he can get on with his job.

Dan’s humming  _ The Most Wonderful Day of The Year  _ under his breath when he sees Phil straight up in the corner of his eye, something devilish flashes across his face that has Dan wondering what on Earth he’s up to now.

“Hey,” Phil says softly, and Dan just glances up at him briefly as he moves his way through the towels and onto the pile of socks that need pairing up.

“Hey,” Phil tries again, reaching over to touch at his arm where his fingertips linger on his skin, and Dan just stares down at his hand before back at Phil again.

His eyes are a little hooded, his lips are curled around a sultry smile and Dan has to try really, really hard not to laugh at the attempt of his ‘sexy face’ that he’s trying to make right now.

“Uh. Yes?” Dan says, and Phil shuffles a little closer.

“It’s so hot in here,” Phil practically purrs, his voice almost missed over the hum of the washing machine. “Don’t you think?”

Dan licks the inside of his bottom lip. If Phil wants to play this game, he’ll so happily go along with it.

“Mmh, suppose so,” he shrugs, doing his best impression of himself completely oblivious.

“Yeah,” Phil whispers. “I’m not gonna lie, laying on this washing machine… it’s kinda turning me on.”

Dan has to turn around and pretend to pick up a stray laugh to not burst into hysterics.

He pulls himself together as he stands back up.

“Oh yeah?” He asks, and Phil nods, eyes wide.

“Yeah. It’s like. The vibrations or something,” he shrugs. “Have you ever done it on a washing machine?”

Dan blinks. Oh Phil.

“Well…. no. Because I’ve only ever done  _ it  _ with you. And we’ve never done it on our washing machine,” he points out. “Or any washing machine for that matter, unless I’m having some serious sex mind blank.”

Phil just floats right beside him, taking a sock out of his hand and putting it down. He’s got that look in his eyes, and Dan’s starting to wonder if he’s still playing the game, or if he’s actually forgotten and just made himself horny for washing machine sex.

“Well. First time for everything, innit?” Phil whispers lowly and Dan just swallows thickly.

“Yeah,” Dan whispers back, and he watches as Phil’s pupils blow wide at the sound of his voice.

Dan leans in forward, closer and closer, and for a moment Phil looks lost, like he hadn’t truly anticipated what to do if he got this far.

And Dan just swoops in close to him, breath tickling the skin on his face and Phil sucks in a breath and—

Dan snatches up the fabric softener cap that had been discarded before straightening up again, leaving Phil looking shocked.

“Speaking of which. We’re out of this, but I got a new one and it’s under the sink in the kitchen. Fetch it for me, would you?”

Phil just stands there blinking at him.

“But… but…” he stammers and stutters and Dan turns and carries on pairing up their socks.

“But what?” Dan blinks at him, feigning innocence.

Phil opens and closes his mouth like a fish.

“But I was being all sexy! I was gonna do it with you on the washing machine!” He exclaims, flapping his arms down by his side.

Dan smiles at him, cocking his head at him. “Wow. Buttering me up, literally, just to leave all these socks,” he tuts and Phil is looking rather defensive again, it’s adorable.

“No!” He shakes his head. “I wasn’t gonna do it just to butter you up,” he rolls his eyes. “I was because I love you,” his voice going a little softer.

“I love you, Dan. Let’s do it. Let’s make love right here right now.”

Dan laughs, loud as he throws his head back before he picks up the basket of now paired socks and shoves it in Phil’s arms.

“Stop saying I love you to get out of laundry,” he tells him. “Put these socks away and grab me the softener from the kitchen,” he asks him, then, he smiles slyly.

“And then we can, uh, talk about those washing machine vibrations, hm?”

Phil’s face lights up, and moves faster than he has done all day.

Carrot. Stick. It works every time. 

**Author's Note:**

> ty amy for basically being my human fic prompt machine! <3
> 
> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


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